Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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