If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
