Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
