I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
