It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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