every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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