Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
