I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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