hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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