I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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