Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you inspire me to be a worse person
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
