I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
