he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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