4 words: hood of his car
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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