I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
