I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
