i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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