i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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