Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
