I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
