I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
