He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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