Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
