would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
