i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
