Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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