i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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