I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
