I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
