My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
