Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
