i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
