that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
