I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
