I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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