I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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