Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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