Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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