i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i need some magic done to my vagina
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
