So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
