Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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