I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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