sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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