His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
