shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
