Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
