you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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