my vag is so smooth its legendary
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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