actually, I'm a sock model
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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