Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
