Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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