I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
