I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
nutella sex= disaster
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
