Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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