Im at strip club and am horny
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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