I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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