i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
bring money and cleavage
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
