I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
