this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
