My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
