Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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