Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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