xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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