i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
