I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
