I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
