he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
