$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
