i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
