There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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