does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize