Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
