I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize