apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
