I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
