maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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