We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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