8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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