So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
