Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
