There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
