I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
