All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
