I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
