Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize