It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
