By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
