your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
