yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
