i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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