dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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