We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
