seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
